The life-changing circumstances of a new baby in the family are obvious times of stress for mothers.  The effect of pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum period, are unfortunately underestimated in fathers.  However, there has been considerable study lately and the findings suggest that men are just as susceptible to postpartum depression, as well as depression before the birth of their children.

Studying natural lifestyles shows that postpartum depression in men and women is deeply related to culture.  In many cultures around the world where parenting, pregnancy, birth and life in general have a more preferential status of priority in the culture, many of the health and social issues that are common in the U.S. and other capitalist structures are much lower.  In the Western and non-Western world many traditions and social constructs provide more coverage, support and awareness centered at family wellness, as a part of the culture.

I’ve personally seen the chaos and confusion that many fathers experience during pregnancy and after birth, and it comes as no surprise to me that there is so much disparity.  In U.S. culture there is not much community-oriented tradition surrounding these times.  There is even less for fathers than there is for mothers.  Fathers need to be involved, active and aware of the process they are going through and they need to have the support to create their own way of expressing responsibility and preferences in pregnancy, birth and parenting.

Doulas provide support, information and service to families during pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period.  I have always felt that it is my duty to reach out to fathers, who may not expect to be so affected by this time in their lives and may hide, reject, neglect or deny their feelings.  Because this information is not common knowledge, it goes unnoticed and untreated.  Unfortunately it still has an effect on mother, father and child(ren).

Honestly and regularly communicating with the corresponding parent, a mentor or support person, and other friends and family members, however has a great impact on self-proclaimed success and comfort in parenthood and a decrease in mental and physical issues of all parties during the first few years of parenting.  A positive view of parenting can be achieved by experiencing varying and diverse relationships and communication with other parents and parents-to-be, over time, with an attitude of goal-oriented action and solutions.

Mothers and Fathers can support each other by being open to what the other may be experiencing.  It is the unknown, the enormity of the experience of new life that often causes responses that are misunderstood or undesirable.  It is by being aware, non-judgemental and proactive that these issues can be solved.  Isolation in such an extreme time of life can be devastating to mothers and fathers, as well as other children and family members.  It is very important to establish and participate in community.

Other resources and techniques for solving depression include ways of getting more into the role and creating personal avenues for development, preferences and expression of the role of Fatherhood.  It is a great idea to have a form of physical activity, a form of stress relief, a form of relaxation, and a form of comraderie.  Ensuring good health practices, healthy thought and behavior patterns, expressing feelings, creativity, financial balance and personal support and community are very important.

Helping fathers connect to other fathers, their community, the mothers unexpressed feelings and their own pride and sense of ability in their role are important.  Books, healthy meals, empowering trips and activities, group memberships, relaxation modalities(such as massage, aromatherapy, meditation), journals, art supplies, martial arts classes, scented flowers and more are great ways to honor the role of fatherhood while giving encouragement and enrichment to the mental state of the father in your life.

A life coach, spiritual teacher, celebration or ceremony, babysitter or nanny, house cleaner, practical gift cards and other tangible gifts could greatly improve the state of mind of the father in your life, and give him more Father’s Days to look forward to.  Appreciation for mothers and fathers will allow them to go with the flow and naturally adapt to their new lives, the pressures of duty and society should not come before the mental health and well being of the fathers of the world.  Our communities will suffer greatly if we don’t allow, accept and encourage awareness of the diversity and complexity of parenting.  As parents bring in the gift of life, they deserve the gift of appreciation, in order to fully flourish and enjoy the fruits of their labor.